Apparently I did ovulate, just super late as today is Cycle Day 38. My progesterone levels were at 19, whatever the fuck that means, so I should be expecting AF after all. I'll be damned if she isn't the rudest party guest ever! Showing up whenever she feels like it...grrrrrrrrrrr!
The good news is that I won't have to take any meds to bring on my period. This also means that I can start the BCP as soon as she arrives. Then it'll finally be Cycle Day 1 for IVF #2 Part Deux. Rock on!
Lately I've been thinking myself similar to daffodils. Just when you think darkness will continue forever, there pops the daffodil's green body among the bare bushes, bringing with it new life and a new season. It pushes its way out through the darkness, out through the harsh conditions, into the sunlight, full of peace and hope. Last night, however, inches of snow were dumped onto that little green body, smashing it back into the cold and unforgiving earth, its future now uncertain. That's me and probably so many of you too. We pop up with hope, do all that we can to feel at peace, and then get smashed back into the cold depths of our own reality. My future, and yours, may be uncertain, but so help me God, we will push through this darkness, this hellish ride we're on, and we will allow our hearts to feel hopeful again. What other choice do we have, really?
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there
lay an invincible summer.
lay an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus
I think you should definately keep up the hope, And I will keep praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteto answer your questions from my blog, I was taking both the suppository and the shots in the butt. But I'm completely off of them now, I go back to the dr. on Friday. I feel fine though so hopefully all is great. I will definately try to post my u.s pic this time.
I'm excited you get to start your meds soon. Best wishes.
Nice. Very nice. Keep up the hope. (BTW I haven't started any acupuncture yet. I'm going to start looking into it this week.)
ReplyDeleteHi Erica,
ReplyDeleteI loved the quote at the end of your blog. I often feel that IF is like the dead of winter. Everything seems cold, grey and bleak and there is no sign of life anywhere. I pray that IVF will lead you to the summer of your life.
Hi Erica - I saw your comment on Mamasoon's blog and popped in here to say hi to you. CCRM is a clinic in Colorado - all of us bruised vets from repeated failures elsewhere end up going to CCRM. They have the best stats in the country and their lab is world class. You can check them out at www.colocrm.com
ReplyDeleteI'm going to add your blog to my list and I look forward to following your journey.
I love the thought of summary lying within me. Seriously. There has to be something sunny in there. I hate going in for betas when I already know the results. Just adds insult to injury.
ReplyDeleteare you thinking of ccrm?
ReplyDeletei think that was a beautiful way to end your post. i found it super inspirational. :-) i love daffodils btw. i am just waiting to see mine peek out. Soon!
That all sounds like such good news. And loved your daffodil analogy...I hope your spring blooms are right around the corner!!!
ReplyDeletemakingmemom.blogspot.com
Erica- i am so sorry that you had to take that miserable call....but hoping that we push through the dirt soon! thanks for the scrappy award.....i will be posting that soon :)
ReplyDeletearg. that sucks. i think that it's good that you ovulated on your own though :)
ReplyDeletei'm excited that you get to start the next cycle right away.
i love your daffodil metaphor-- and so apt for this season.
ReplyDeletehope you get your start soon. it's ironic how sometimes we want AF so badly and others we wish she'd stay away!
It is amazing how many times our hopes can get squelched but we pick ourselves up again. The desire to be parents is that strong.
ReplyDelete