Hitting Bottom

WARNING: This post contains TMI. Feel free to stop reading.

So, a few nights ago, I hit an all-time low. Here's the scoop. My husband and I were out to dinner when he received a text message from yet another friend who is expecting. It read something like: The baby looked GREAT on the ultrasound. It was so cool! We chose not to see if there was a "package," but if so, I'm sure my kid is packing a big one." You would think that my DH would not tell me about this message, as I proved a few days ago that I don't handle the baby updates well. Unfortunately, he did. I wanted to explode! I could feel the blood rushing into my face and I finally felt like enough was enough. I was sick and tired of insensitive people never getting called out for their stupidity.

I begged my husband to write him back with what I felt was a moderately FU response: Please send us a picture of the ultrasound, as we've never had the chance to see anything other than an empty uterus. Of course, he refused. I started to become frenzied. I was begging and cursing at him. I think I may have even called him a p**sy. It was then that I hit bottom. I promised him oral sex if he sent the text. He looked at me like I was insane and repeated his no. I couldn't believe it! What man would turn down that kind of offer? I had to up the ante. "I will literally suck your d**k for at least 30 minutes if you send that goddamn text message!" Most men (and maybe women) would think that he went for it and the smart ass retort was sent, but alas...

Looking back on it, I don't know what was scarier: the fact that I used oral sex as collateral in my sick and twisted game of revenge OR that I meant it.