Welcome ICLW bloggers! Not going to reiterate my TTC journey, because quite frankly, I'm so tired of talking about it. But, for all those interested, the quick version is on the left sidebar.
My writing seems cranky and I'm sorry for that. I just got back from a baby shower. Two more to go before June. Ick. I'd like to come up with some terrific excuse to get out of them, but everyone will know the truth, so there's no point. I just go and suck it up. That's better than knowing that the guests are sharing the "poor Erica" and "this must be so hard on her" convos. I HATE when people pity me. It's bad enough that I'm at that party...does everyone else need to come too? The only positive emotion I get from these showers is knowing that I look better than the moms-to-be and the women who look completely haggard from all of their sleepless nights. In fact, anytime I attend a function with "mommies" and "mommies-to-be," I'm dressed to the nines. Trust me, I am aware of how vain that sounds, but it's the little things that give me peace these days. I try to find comfort in knowing that their husbands might be fantasizing about sleeping with me as opposed to them. Pathetic? Yes. Satisfying? Definitely!
Today's particular baby shower wasn't too bad until the mom-to-be's sister (one of my best friend's) and her mother tried to force an introduction between me and their cousin. You see, apparently she was also considered IF back in the day. I was told that she struggled with IVF for 13 years!!! I almost made it to the exit, after 3 hours of slight torture, when my friend's mom grabbed my hand and said, "Oh, wait. I wanted to introduce you to Allison. You two have some 'things' in common."
Me: "No really, it's fine. I've got to go. DH is waiting for me. We've got dinner plans."
Her: "Are you sure? She knows all about what you're going through. I think it would be great if you two talked."
Me: "Thanks, but I'm not really into talking about my IF today. Maybe some other time."
Can you imagine how awkward that initial introduction could have been? I mean, seriously, what would that intro even sound like?
"Hi, Allison. I'd like you to meet Erica. She's IF too!"
Don't get me wrong, I love meeting new IF buddies in the blogosphere, but setting up introductions between IFs at a baby shower just seems absurd. I know that many fertiles mean well, but lately I feel like telling them all to BUTT THE FUCK OUT! THIS IS ONE PARTY YOU AREN'T INVITED TO!
Thanks for letting me vent, like usual. Happy ICLW week to all my sisters out there. :)
Consumption 15
9 hours ago
I hate meddling fertiles. Just stick to things you know, like talking about how it was an "accident" and you weren't even trying....and leave the heavy lifting to us.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your matchmaking friends, and I love the fact that you put your shine on for baby showers :) Kudos.....
Wear your finest shoes, work it, and tell them all to fuck off.
ReplyDeleteThat would be sooo awkward. Glad you managed to avoid that conversation!
ReplyDeletemakingmemom.blogspot.com
WTF??? at a baby shower, sure and at a wedding shower every one should get together and talk about their marriage troubles....geez, fertiles and their ideas for "helping"! I actually skipped a baby shower last weekend and then this weekend was told, yeah everyone at the shower was either pregnant or carrying a baby....thank god I skipped it :(
ReplyDeletehappy ICLW!
I agree, and think the buttinski's should buttoutski. I agree that 1 is plenty for the pity party. When the fertiles want to join in they always take a perfectly manageable amount of pity and turn it into a mountain. Then they call it helping. yuck.
ReplyDeletecheers to ICLW!
Hi Erica,
ReplyDeleteGood on you for actually going to these baby showers. I have avoided them in the last few months. I'm sure you looked fantastic!
Thanks for visiting! Good luck with the changes to your diets!
ReplyDeleteI've never made it through a baby shower - I get anxity attacks. i would die if I had to face that situation.
I love your "show them with fashion" strategy! Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), most of my friends with kids are well past the shower stage...instead I hear long detailed accounts of their soccer games and dance classes. But, if an unavoidable shower invite does come my way, I will follow your lead and use it as an opportunity to get all gussied up and appear as the poster child for uninterrupted sleep.
ReplyDeleteSorry you had to (a) go at all and then (b) be subject to a probably well meaining but totally inappropriate IF fix-up! Kudos to you for excusing yourself so graciously!
Callie (ICLW #63)
Ugh. you dodged that bullet nicely. BTW i am super impressed that you're able to go to these baby showers. i am all out avoiding them these days. can't do it. kudos to you.
ReplyDeletemo
iclw
THat is so hugely inappropriate at a babyshower. I can't even believe it. I mean it is very nice to be supportive of where you are right now but 'there is a time and place' for things. Ugh.
ReplyDeletei love that you dress to the nines at the baby showers. most of the time i tried to do the same thing. the very last one i was at, though, was at a restaurant and then at someone's house after that. i had to stop at home inbetween because i couldn't stop crying. i felt totally stupid. that's when i decided i wasn't going back. :)
ReplyDeletefeeling and looking like a total babe is such a positive way to go into a shower. i'm sorry you had to deal with avoiding a "forced" conversation...
ReplyDeletei've decided that *if* i get to have a shower, i'd like it to be an elegant cocktail party, so if anyone is struggling with the whole baby thing, it will just seem like a party and not a pastel-y baby fest... not so mommy-centric.
I LOVE your attitude about dressing up and looking hot!!!! Way to go! :-) That's exactly how I think too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your friend and the person you have IF in common with...very awkward. For some reason, IF, pregnancy, childbirth, etc. seem to open for discussion with everyone when they are truly private matters. I don't get it.
HEAR, HEAR! I am come to you through ICLW. I have to go to a baby shower this weekend for a friend/ co-worker that didn't even want to be pregnant. She admitted that she waited to long to have an abortion...and her HUSBAND FOUND OUT!!! ARGGGGGGH. Good luck out there with the people that don't mind their own business- they SUCK!
ReplyDeletewww.ttc-wildride.blogspot.com
Here through ICLW.
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad they don't "do" baby-showers in the Netherlands. Instead though, everyone visits the new mom and her baby in the first weeks after the baby is born. NBV (New Baby Visits), I'll call them for now.
When I was still TTC, in the midst of hormone treatments and IUI and IVF, NBV was what I dreaded the most. I would be awake in the middle of the night, thinking of the upcoming NBV. How would I feel? Would I be able to hold the baby without bursting into tears? Would they even LET me hold the baby? Would I be able to listen to the mother complaining about sleepless nights without slugging her?
Vent all you want! It's hell!
At least with the NBV there's not a whole house full of visitors. It's usually just you, the new parents and the baby. You get to see a brand new baby, maybe even hold it. It will hurt like hell, and you will cry all the way home. But when you're back home, after your tears have dried up, you will remember what it was that started you on this difficult path in the first place. You wanted to be that mother!
Where I am now, "on the other side", they still hurt. Whether that's solely because of IF, or because our twins were born premature and so our start was not at all like I'd imagined it.
I thought "crossing over" meant the pain would go away, but it never did. Maybe it will, someday...
This comment will probably make no sense to you whatsoever. I just wanted to let you know I remember your pain. I remember the "well meant assvice" and the "awkward introductions". I remember being on your side of the fence, and sometimes I still feel like I left a part of myself behind. I remember. And I hope someday, you will just "remember" them too!!!
Hi Again - I understand what you're saying about the weather. It's the humidity that is making me feel cold!
ReplyDeleteICLW #34
Oh man...baby showers are hell when you are in the midst of IF. And to try and introduce you to a fellow IFer at a baby shower...too strange.
ReplyDelete~ICLW