Calling All Studs!

This morning, for the second time since January, I started to think about a show I saw on the Discovery Channel a little while back. I have no idea what is was called, but I quite clearly remember the topic. Stud horses. Here's a quick background to bring you up to speed regarding this booming business.

Stud horses are the male horses that are raised and kept strictly to impregnate females. Now, not just any male can be a stud. Horse breeders are only interested in the males from award winning lineages. This makes perfect sense - breeders are trying to increase the odds for offspring stardom on the racetrack. I realize this may not be a new concept to many of you out there, but I was pretty surprised that this existed. I don't know what I must have been thinking. It's not like horses have time to court, fall in love, and make babies the old fashioned way. And, shit, who am I to judge? I'm not making one the old fashioned way either.

Anyway, the real shocker came 15 minutes into the program. Apparently, female horses can be quite "testy," to say the least. It can be very dangerous to put the stud horse into the stall without knowing how the female will react. It makes sense, really. Think about it. As women, any number of things can piss us off and turn us off. So, something needs to be done to compensate for this potential liability. Enter the sterile teaser horse. I'm not kidding, it's really called a teaser. The male teaser is brought in to "work the filly up," you know, get her in the mood. Once she's all horned up, the stud comes in to seal the deal. Up, on, and in he goes. Swim spermies, swim. Then, the stud horse (or rather his owner) is paid and the female is usually knocked up. When the show was over, I looked at my husband with disbelief. "This could work for us," he said. "I can be the teaser, and we'll bring in a stud to seal the deal." We shared a good laugh, but each felt a bit of the pain too.

When my 2nd IVF cycle was canceled this month due to a drop in estrogen, my RE recommended an IUI. They hoped I would drop the 4-5 matured eggs that had developed which would greatly compensate for my DH's lower sperm count.

On the morning of my insemination, I was anxious. All I could think about was that damn horse show we had seen over the summer. I felt like a woman possessed. If I could only find a few more "studs" to help seal the deal. I started to think about all of the men I knew, which ones had proven themselves in the stud department, which ones were likely to be teasers. Dear God, am I insane? For 24 hours, all I could think about was getting out there and finding studs. I most certainly didn't want to waste those precious eggs. Was this instinctual or merely the ravings of a mad woman? Who knows? Maybe both. With a new IVF cycle on the horizon for March, I shall soon see.

By the way, you may be wondering what happens to the teaser horse. Does he ever get any? Only about once a month. Poor guy!