High Stakes Shopping

Although I wimped out while looking in the pregnancy book section of Barnes and No.ble two weeks ago, I put on my big girl panties and headed into Destination Mat.ernity a few hours ago. You see, I no longer can button my pants comfortably, and if I do, muffin tops are a sure thing. So I wanted to purchase those stretchy, tube top looking things - as my friend, Jacki would say, picture the old school "multiples belt." DH and I walked through the doors together. Deep breath and a gulp.

All things pregnancy everywhere!!! I can't lie, it wasn't easy to take it all in. A cute, younger salesgirl approached me almost immediately and asked if I needed any help. Is it that obvious? I asked her where the desired items were and she brought me over to them. She tried to sell me a couple of other pants with the tube thingy built in, which I told her I wasn't ready for. She got the hint and left me to pick out the two colors I needed.

Then I got a little ahead of myself - I started looking at the maternity jeans, or should I say that my DH started looking at them. Apparently True Relig.ion, 7's, and L.ucky Brand make maternity jeans. WOW! Pretty cool!! Enter salesgirl #2 - overly ambitious, super perky, and easily a size 2. She proceeded to try to sell me the $200 something jeans, even after I told her I was only 6 1/2 weeks pregnant. I thought she got the hint until I went to the register with my purchases. I DID decide to buy the book, What to Exp.ect When You're Ha.ving Tw.ins, Triplets, or Qua.ds as recommended by both a fellow blogger and IRL friend. She gushed that I was having twins. I told her it was still early and I was still in shock. She then had me sign up for all sorts of coupons and shit. I'm hoping I don't regret that at some point. And then she dropped the bomb on us.

"You've been pre-approved for a Mastercard that works with like 1,000s of retailers to donate money into a college fund for your babies. No annual fee, it's free, most couples save like $50,000 using it." A look went to my DH - she was waiting for a nod only and I swear to God she was going to sign us up. My DH is really the best. His dry sense of humor and directness was most appreciated at that moment. He responded with, "Do I need to agree to this?"

She looked a little hurt, and then asked me if I wanted the card. "Nope."

She came back with, "Okay, well I'm going to enter you to get a subscription for Parenting Magazine." I told you she was overly ambitious.

I looked at her and said, "Really. I'm not interested." She, of course, reminded me that all of the information was in my bag if I changed my mind, and oh yeah, the book is a Final Sale. Fuck. I really hope I don't regret that purchase too.

I'm now avoiding that store for as long as possible. Just like the pregnancy after infertility book that needs to be written, I think we should get our own store too. The salespeople will know to be cautiously happy for us, will have had similar experiences, and will NOT try to sell us parenting mags or god forbid a flipping college fund savings program. They'll understand that we don't 100% believe that there will be a baby or babies at the end of this. A COLLEGE FUND?! She must have been high. It's the only explanation that makes sense.